In the presence of beauty...

For the past 10 or so years, my favourite author has been Alexander McCall Smith, and I have been an avid reader of several of his collections;  The No.1 Ladies Detective Agency, 44 Scotland Street, Corduroy Mansions, and the Isabel Dalhousie stories. I enjoy his writing for several reasons including his use of a wonderful and enlightening vocabulary, the ethical and philosophical explorations, and of course his (and his character's) tendency to ponder!

The following excerpt is one of my favourites. It is from "The Importance of Being Seven" (p.214):
        
        "That's where we're going", said Domenica. "See? Over there."

Antonia and Angus were silent. The sight of such beauty can make us quiet with fear; fear that it might not be real, fear that it might be taken from us, as is everything that we love, that is only on loan to us.

This struck me immediately as I read it. So absolutely true; at least it is of my experience of the world. I sometimes look at my little boy, and just as in the above excerpt, I am silenced by his beauty, but with the knowledge that I cannot keep him safe, cannot control the world in which he lives. 

I had a similar experience during the 11 days of my baby daughter Lillienne's life. After she was born, and placed into palliative care, I was so afraid of getting close to her, of knowing her, of falling in love with her, being drawn into her beautiful little eyes, face, body, fingers, toes...because I knew she would be taken from me. I felt fear, absolute fear and horror at the thought of what lay ahead...saying good-bye and living a life without her.